Top five reasons to choke on that Christmas ham (No, make that six)
(December 2006 special issue)
Even before the Pampangueños start pushing over-priced lanterns to gawky nonnative tourists in sun visors or sidewalk eateries open the bibingka department of their shop, Henry Sy already has Here Comes Santa Claus blaring in his mall speakers. The ambiance of synthetic pine bearing glittered mini-globes and Christmas cane peppermints on sale will not be complete without the immortal Pasko na Sinta ko sang in perfect I’m-gagging-on-a-pinecone voice of Gary Valenciano.
If you are a holiday grinch or you are simply a person with enough sense of irony to recognize what’s real music from what seems to be some rubbish composition arranged on a bad night peppered with booze and bad inspiration, I suppose you recognize the sad fact that the following Christmas songs (unfortunately, probably blaring in Henry Sy’s mall speakers as we speak) are as lethal as the five-year-old fruitcake you left rotting in the cupboard.
Ladies and Gentlemen and suckers for Christmas, here are the top five reasons to choke on that Christmas ham:
1. Spageti Sa Pasko (Pasta Remix), Sexbomb Dancers—talk about milking dry a novelty song until household cats go berserk from the overplay that they begin to yelp obscenely in the dead of the night. Because the producers thought that the overrated Spageti’s sickening popularity on airways was not enough, they decided on a Christmas remix of it, making the Sexbomb Dancers-smitten bus drivers play it on loop during the worst time on a Christmas day: rush hour.
2. Christmas Bonus, Aegis Band—the official Christmas anthem of the blue-collared proletariats. The song speaks about hirelings and wage-earners badgering the upwarldly mobiles to hand them extras so they can fund the ideal Christmas dinner—one accompanied by a rented videoke machine.
Performed by the Aegis, a band comprised of members with mustard-yellow hair and imitation blings, Christmas Bonus still remains one of the favored picks in every company Christmas caroling. Go figure.
3. Macarena Christmas remix, Los del Rio—you bet your boots, this is the Christmas version of that popular dance song with dance steps even a pea-brained retard can perform acceptably. Its music video featured scantily clad women in platforms, doing lousy lip syncs and dancing the dance. If you look closely, one of the dancers in the video suspiciously resembles Dennis Rodman in hot pants.
4. Macho Na Si Santa (Super Dance remix), Masculados—the same pseudo boy band who contributed the songs Uhhya, Uhhya and Ratratin to the brilliant realm of MIDI-sounding novelty music brings us Macho Na Si Santa Super Dance remix. This song, together with I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus will surely scar a child forever, with the thought that Santa Claus is very much human like any other middle life crisis-stricken lemon who gives in to vanity and lust to hopefully compensate for a receding hairline.
5. Crazy Frog Christmas medley—played usually in cheap roving circuses, this music bleeds from every jeepney speaker, maddening commuters with its fast rhythm and distorted consonance. Having to listen to it on a supposedly happy Christmas Eve would only make you want to stab the person sitting next to you at the dinner table with a fork (Hopefully it’s the silly one who gives out the bad fruitcakes.).
***
So, Saddam Hussein had been sentenced to execution by hanging and I am shaking my head with the distraught humanitarians. However, this is not a question of the savagery of execution or of Hussein’s despotism and twenty four year practice of atrocity over Iraq. This is an issue of sheer hypocrisy on the part of the first world dynamite that is America.
Hussein shall be subjected to execution because of the reprisal attack he ordered against Dujail which lead to a massacre of 148 of its town people in 1982. Moreover, the court also shoved crimes against humanity issues to his sorry face, which of course, involved the infamous Operation Desert Storm a.ka. The Gulf War.
Can you smell the stink of stupidity? How preposterous this whole political applesauce is.
The 1991 Operation Desert Storm was a Republican idea with the U.S. government under George Bush Sr.funding for arms and biological agents. Hussein is widely known to have acquired battlefield intelligence from the United States, which also hints of substantial CIA involvement during the era.
And why was the verdict announced two days prior to the American midterm elections? Three words: Republicans milking votes.
Choke me.
(December 2006 special issue)
Even before the Pampangueños start pushing over-priced lanterns to gawky nonnative tourists in sun visors or sidewalk eateries open the bibingka department of their shop, Henry Sy already has Here Comes Santa Claus blaring in his mall speakers. The ambiance of synthetic pine bearing glittered mini-globes and Christmas cane peppermints on sale will not be complete without the immortal Pasko na Sinta ko sang in perfect I’m-gagging-on-a-pinecone voice of Gary Valenciano.
If you are a holiday grinch or you are simply a person with enough sense of irony to recognize what’s real music from what seems to be some rubbish composition arranged on a bad night peppered with booze and bad inspiration, I suppose you recognize the sad fact that the following Christmas songs (unfortunately, probably blaring in Henry Sy’s mall speakers as we speak) are as lethal as the five-year-old fruitcake you left rotting in the cupboard.
Ladies and Gentlemen and suckers for Christmas, here are the top five reasons to choke on that Christmas ham:
1. Spageti Sa Pasko (Pasta Remix), Sexbomb Dancers—talk about milking dry a novelty song until household cats go berserk from the overplay that they begin to yelp obscenely in the dead of the night. Because the producers thought that the overrated Spageti’s sickening popularity on airways was not enough, they decided on a Christmas remix of it, making the Sexbomb Dancers-smitten bus drivers play it on loop during the worst time on a Christmas day: rush hour.
2. Christmas Bonus, Aegis Band—the official Christmas anthem of the blue-collared proletariats. The song speaks about hirelings and wage-earners badgering the upwarldly mobiles to hand them extras so they can fund the ideal Christmas dinner—one accompanied by a rented videoke machine.
Performed by the Aegis, a band comprised of members with mustard-yellow hair and imitation blings, Christmas Bonus still remains one of the favored picks in every company Christmas caroling. Go figure.
3. Macarena Christmas remix, Los del Rio—you bet your boots, this is the Christmas version of that popular dance song with dance steps even a pea-brained retard can perform acceptably. Its music video featured scantily clad women in platforms, doing lousy lip syncs and dancing the dance. If you look closely, one of the dancers in the video suspiciously resembles Dennis Rodman in hot pants.
4. Macho Na Si Santa (Super Dance remix), Masculados—the same pseudo boy band who contributed the songs Uhhya, Uhhya and Ratratin to the brilliant realm of MIDI-sounding novelty music brings us Macho Na Si Santa Super Dance remix. This song, together with I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus will surely scar a child forever, with the thought that Santa Claus is very much human like any other middle life crisis-stricken lemon who gives in to vanity and lust to hopefully compensate for a receding hairline.
5. Crazy Frog Christmas medley—played usually in cheap roving circuses, this music bleeds from every jeepney speaker, maddening commuters with its fast rhythm and distorted consonance. Having to listen to it on a supposedly happy Christmas Eve would only make you want to stab the person sitting next to you at the dinner table with a fork (Hopefully it’s the silly one who gives out the bad fruitcakes.).
***
So, Saddam Hussein had been sentenced to execution by hanging and I am shaking my head with the distraught humanitarians. However, this is not a question of the savagery of execution or of Hussein’s despotism and twenty four year practice of atrocity over Iraq. This is an issue of sheer hypocrisy on the part of the first world dynamite that is America.
Hussein shall be subjected to execution because of the reprisal attack he ordered against Dujail which lead to a massacre of 148 of its town people in 1982. Moreover, the court also shoved crimes against humanity issues to his sorry face, which of course, involved the infamous Operation Desert Storm a.ka. The Gulf War.
Can you smell the stink of stupidity? How preposterous this whole political applesauce is.
The 1991 Operation Desert Storm was a Republican idea with the U.S. government under George Bush Sr.funding for arms and biological agents. Hussein is widely known to have acquired battlefield intelligence from the United States, which also hints of substantial CIA involvement during the era.
And why was the verdict announced two days prior to the American midterm elections? Three words: Republicans milking votes.
Choke me.
posted by Louella | 4:01 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home